5:00 Somewhere

I'm a Stay-At-Home dad. Today was the day for weekly house cleaning. The kids were at day camp, I had just gotten some biking exercise in, and I was tearing into the work. On the porch, I ran across the cooler from two months ago that still had a 12 pack of seriously skunked bottles of Corona. If you're not a beer drinker, you have to understand that if you leave a beer in the sun for a couple of months, it turns into the liquid that comes out of skunks when you accidentally run them over on the interstate. So, I quickly decided to pour the beer out and recycle the bottles.
With my trusty Mickey Mouse bottle opener, I dragged the cooler to the driveway and started popping.

1. Grab bottle.
2. Open cap.
3. Place upside down on drain grate.
4. Repeat.
   

On the third bottle I decided to skip a step. I grabbed the bottle and opened it upside down. My body received most of the beer explosion. The whole front of my body was dripping old, warm Corona. Not to be hindered by a mishap, I wiped the beer out of my eyes, went back to the original plan, and started popping again. On the third bottle, my scientific instincts kicked in. Was that a fluke, or was there a scientific principle that caused the explosion? I turned it upside down and stuck Mickey's belly on the cap. Houston, we have lift off! This explosion shot mostly into my crotch. My shorts and underwear were soaked through. The 92 degree day suddenly seemed slightly cooler. It's settled then. For some reason a long neck skunked beer will explode if opened upside down. Feel free to experiment on your own and report back.
Happy in my new discovery, I went on about my business in the burning sunshine. Within two minutes the Corona was baked onto my body and my right eyelid was glued open. I started to panic about the whole glued-open-eye thing until it peeled itself free. A quick splash from the sink remedied the glued body parts and I was able to finish the house, and now I'm knocking this blog out so that I can pick up the kids. I have gotten used to the smell of the stale beer in my hair, clothes and on my body, and although sticky, I am dry-ish. No one will mind a beer stained, unwashed, reeking, stay at home dad picking up two children from a Christian organization will they? Nah. I'm good.