Snakes or Bungees

I don't speak rattlesnake. Somebody go get Harry Potter. I need him to have a conversation with 'em.

Somehow, rattlesnakes spread the word this year that this canyon is the place to be. They've been moving in like it's a condo fire-sale in Hawaii. Only, it's a total screw up. These snakes are getting bad info. Every human up here has it in for them. Can you imagine getting a great tip on a cheap condo, buying it, then showing up with your sweet new luggage, and having the next door neighbor crack you in the head with a shovel? It would ruin your day.

So, I've tried to talk to them... the snakes. They just look at me with this "I don't have a medulla oblongata, dude," look on their reptilian faces. How am I supposed to work with that? So, we kill them. I'm a shovel guy myself. The uphill neighbor uses her SUV, and she does not differentiate between species. I've seen her careen off the road just to get both tires on a bungee cord. News Flash, crazy-lady: snakes aren't orange with black plastic hooks on each end.

A friend of mine was disgusted with me for killing the rattlers. He said, "Why don't you leave them alone?" and I replied, "Because they are a hazard!" His retort was, "Then, why don't you just go around getting rid of every hazard? Your mountain bike is a hazard, your car is a hazard, your ATV is a hazard.... you should get rid of those too!"

Okay, okay, I get your point, friend, but your logic is flawed. I have never been biking down the trail and had my sprocket latch itself onto my leg and inject enough venom to kill a dumpster-fed raccoon. Bike and car mishaps are operator error. Stepping on a reptile with an IQ of negative 10, sporting deadly weapons in it's mouth, sunbathing on my walkway is NOT my idea of a "whoops, I left the coffee pot on". Sorry buddy, but unless you want to come over every day and milk them, feed them, and put little corks on their hideous fangs, I'm going to keep my shovel handy.